Thursday, September 9, 2010

Because I just can't keep my mouth shut...

I'm gettin' down to brass tacks...

I've been meaning to complain about this for a while. And yet Sunday after Sunday passes and I find myself gripeless, or out of town, or busy laying on my couch. But today I read a little post a dear friend of mine wrote called:

"A list of things you no longer have in common with your single/childless friends…and why you love them anyways."

And my inspiration returned...

Her list included things that us "single gals" do that aren't her "cup of tea"...

Things like:
  • "Watching reruns of Snapped stuffing my face with chocolate and wondering why men aren't interested in me"
  • "Listen to my single friends talk about how waking up for work at 8am is exhausting"
  • "Empathize with a friend who complains that her Audi is in the shop while I man handle a God forsaken MINI VAN!" (This one is FO SHO about me, BTW)
  • "Go to a club dressed like a street walker in an attempt to find true love"
I have a sneaking suspicion that a majority, if not all, of this list is in direct reference and/or was inspired by me and my life. And while I appreciate and celebrate the importance of artistic license, and fully understand the neccessity of exaggerating for comedy's sake, I must speak to this... On behalf of single women EVERYWHERE.

To first address the list directly, ANY WOMAN out there who watches Snapped and wonders why men aren't interested in them is straight up twisted. Snapped is about women losing their shit on the fellas they have chosen to have and to hold, 'til murder do them part. If I was the single gal that came to mind when she wrote that, I assure you that she is grossly misinformed... And also, PLENTY OF MEN ARE INTERESTED IN ME, thank you very much. Just not any men that I choose to give up my single life for.

I would also like to say that ANY WOMAN who dresses like a street walker and goes to a club in an attempt to find true love is a dumb ass. Dressing like a street walker and going to a club attracts one VERY SPECIFIC type of man and his name is Scott Peterson... or Ted Bundy... or the Delta Sigma Phi Date Rapist of the Year...

As far as complaining about being exhausted when I get up for work, yes, I do that. But not at 8am. 8am is a vacation. 8am is a Saturday after two sleeping pills IF my upstairs neighbors are on vacation. 8am is an effing cake walk. I wake up at 5:30am... and I'm an insomniac so I fall asleep at about 1... or 2... or sometimes 3:30...

She did check her facts on one thing, though. My Audi WAS in the shop. And I did bitch about it. Mostly because I was without a vehicle for a week... and because it costs an average of $2000 everytime it goes to the shop... and being a "single gal" means that I am also a "single income family"... and $2000 is a LOT of pissin' money. And might I add that buying a mini-van is a choice... I have several friends with children that have chosen against it.

But with all that said, what really sticks in my craw... what REALLY pisses me off is the insinuation by some that my life is somewhat less than those with spouses or children or both. Or that my life is "responsibilty-less". I assure you, my life is quite full. And quite lovely. And chock-mutha-effin'-full of responsibility.
And I find it offensive that I am asked to justify my choices on a regular basis, or that I am asked to not voice the frustrations that go on in my single/childless life.

I am not an old maid. I am not sad or lonely or pathetic or sitting around waiting for a man to love me.

I am very much in love.

I am in love with all the possibility and all the freedom and all the dreams I have yet to fulfill.

And I make absolutely no apologies for that.

So bite me.


  1. LOL you wake up earlier than I do.

  2. I love your blog! I just read everything that was on the first page of this thing, and I can't get enough... I'll probably be spending the rest of the week gradually going through all of them. Thanks for the uplifting sarcasm! ;)