Saturday, December 19, 2009

I laugh at people when they're not looking...

Top Ten Things Heard Whilst Eavesdropping During My Christmas Shopping Excursion Today:

10) "MOM, if Santa doesn't bring me the High School Musical movie, I'm going to actually die!"
          • 8 year boy, still in the closet

    9) "Seriously, that fool better buy me a ring this year or he's getting abstinence for Christmas..."
            • 20-Something Soon-To-Be Single 

       8) "I think that lady peed her pants."
              • Tween to mom, pointing to a 45 year old woman that did NOT pee her pants, after smelling an elderly man that DID

         7) "I can't even shop right... Damn you, Christmas!"
                • Dazed and confused husband and father, after knocking over an entire display of travel coffee mugs which rolled for several aisles
           6) "Do you think she'd like a Sham-WOW? I mean, it's Sham-WOW. It'll make you say 'WOW' every time"

                    • Grandpa of the Year to Grandma of the Year

              5) "Seriously honey, if you don't push that cart full of your children away from me right now you're walking home!"
                      • Mom at the brink

                   4) "Sure, everybody wants a socket wrench for Christmas! It's the gift that keeps on giving!"
                          • Less than thrilled wife to adorably ignorant husband

                      3) "Streetcar Named Desire is one of those movies you can only see once. Marlon Brando was so effing hot! You just sit there the whole time wondering what the hell happened to him. It's super depressing."
                                  • Girl after my own heart

                          2) "Who's idea was it to stuff shit in socks anyway? And it's always shit you don't want! Like more socks."
                                      • Thug to Thugette, on the wonder of the stocking stuffer

                            1) "I can't tell one British guy from another. Those Brits are all the same to me. They just keep stealing all our movie roles."
                            "...And all the hot guys at the gym..."
                                      •  Fabulous gay man to his Fabulous gay friend


                              1. seriously? I should eavesdrop more.

                              2. awesome. i love to eavesdrop. i always make sure i'm loud and crass so others get some enjoyment out of eavesdropping on me. thanks for making me laugh. i needed it. my parents arrived today and my in-laws arrive in 2 days. i'm on the edge...

                              3. I absolutely love your blog and think you are insanely hilarious ;)

                              4. Haha! Gotta love what comes out of people's mouths sometimes...although I call it "people watching" so that I feel like less of a stalker :)

                              5. Hahahahaha! This was hilarious!

                              6. These are to funny! You can't make that shit up!