Today I am 30... and instead of this heart-wrenching milestone leaving me with overwhelming sense that I have found some of the answers, I am left only with questions. Here are a wee few of them:
1) Were The Beatles considered a "boy band"? And if so, does that mean that my ongoing obsession with N*Sync is technically considered socially acceptable?
2) When exactly do I have to cease shopping in the Junior's Department? And when do I become that sad woman that sales people assume is shopping for her pre-teen daughter until she heads to the fitting rooms with a gaggle of ill-fitting skinny jeans and inappropriate graphic T's?
3) How embarrassed should I be when I buy wrinkle cream and acne medication simultaneously? And haven't I paid my penance to the weekly 13 year old pubescent boy break outs? Seriously?
4) Am I allowed to audition for The Biggest Loser if I only have 10lbs. to lose? I'm not really interested in a lifestyle change... just one good week with a Rocco Dispirito cooking lesson and a Jillian Michaels ass kicking. I'm happy to weigh in and promptly be voted off.
5) If my mom is 60 and looks 45, is it safe to assume through deductive reasoning that I, in fact, look 15? I mean, we share DNA, that counts? Right?
6) Since I didn't graduate from college until I was 28, does that mean I get 8 more years to establish some sort of stable career? And procure a "pot to piss in", as it were?
7)And finally, how much is too much when it comes to eating frosting... with a spoon... out of the jar... in bed... while crying...?
5 months ago